Endings

Endings are not often something we look forward to seeing.

There are the rare endings - like graduations. But even they are bittersweet.

After completing a course of study, we say goodbye to our cohort of fellow students. We say goodbye to teachers, mentors, and the academic environment.

So it was that while we were beginning anew in California - some things were coming to an end.

My relationship with the father of our children started as friendship. And as we got to know each other we decided to get married and start a family.

But over time, the friendship that we had built started to degrade. I began to think that in order to save the friendship the marriage might have to end.

So that is a path of investigation we moved into - and the more we explored the more we realized that it was time to stop our participation in the social construct called marriage.

We are still disentangling ourselves from so many pieces and implications. You don’t realize when you first get married how much the weight of society is weighing on you with social and financial obligations. Until you try to undo them and free yourself.

At first our children were scared and hurt and confused, We made the decision to continue to cohabit and co-parent for as long as possible.

We live in the same house with the kids - but we divide our time and care between home, work, kids, and personal lives. It’s not easy - but marriage wasn’t either. We are each building new skills and growing in the ways we need to. We don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, but we have built some communication patterns that are much better than what we had fallen into in our previous partnership.

I can’t say it’s perfect. But I can say that the work has been worth it.